1 day ago
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The bully
I would like to think that I am a pretty laid back mom. I try not to run to Molly when she falls, I let other kids rough house with her and I try and remember that kids will be kids. Today however, I met the little girl that could push even me over the edge. We have a branch of the library that is located in the mall. On wednesday mornings they have the cutest story time for kids 12-18 months old. Molly loves it, I love it and it gives us something to do that doesn't cost a thing. After story time we go downstairs and play on the giant foam play yard. You know, the play place they have in every mall. She loves it and it gives her time to play with other kids. She LOVES other kids. Even if they hurt her or push her or pinch her. She loves them. I don't think she realizes that when a kid is hurting you, they don't want to play with you. She just gets back up and tries again. A few times after multiple beatings she has given up and comes to me crying. Not because they are hurting her, but because they won't play with her. Today there was a little girl that we will call Allison (that actually is her name. I felt no need to giver her anonimity!) This little girl got on top of one of the play structures that Molly was on and picked her up and threw her off. I am guessing she is about 5 years old, but looks, well, a lot older and bigger than a normal 5 year old. Molly was not phased by this, so I didn't react. She wasn't even phased when the "little" girl started pinching and hitting her. What finally phased her was when the girl used both legs to catapult her off. This all happened in a very short amount of time. One of the other mother's was getting really angry, because this girl did not stop, even when I was trying to move Molly. I asked her very softly to not kick her, but she replied, "I dont want her on here. I want to play by myself." During this time I was starting to wonder why her mother had not stepped in. She then tried to kick Molly again and finally her mother came over. "Allison, are you being mean or nice?" Allison's reply: " Mean!" She then went off to terrorize every other kid there. She could not walk by without reaching out and hitting someone. Including adults. The sad part was, the mother looked on smiling like it was all okay. I don't know this kids history or her family's so I am not going to judge, but I was so frustrated. I never lost my cool, because I had a feeling that girl had seen a lot of people lose their cool with her, but I was very frustrated that she just went around terrorizing everything while her mom sat and smiled happily. Maybe the mother was beyond knowing what to do, or maybe there is another reason for her lack of stepping in, but it made me realize, that I am not nearly as laid back as I thought I was! What do you do in a situation like that? How do you simmer a situation like that without escalating it even more?
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11 comments:
Poor Molly!!! I am going to go get that girl.
WOW! A 5 year old should know better. My 22 mo old is a bully, but he doesn't understand. Usually the parents are looking at me like, "hello, your son is pushing." (well, they've actually said things to me before) But what can I do? I've told him a million times not to hit. They're usually being a little over protective of their kids. But a 5 yo kicking a 1 year old. That could really do some damage. I understand the mom's need to just relax and let her kid play, but Molly could have gotten hurt. I don't know what you should do in that situation. I probably would have lost my cool or just picked up my kid and left. And I'm pretty kick back too. Kids need to learn to take abuse from other kids. You could yell at the kid, but no mother likes to watch someone else discipline their kid. It's a lose lose
I am glad Molly didn't get hurt. It is a hard situation. I honestly think that the best thing to do would be to take Molly out of the bad situation by leaving. More than likely there isn't anything you could say or do to the mom and "little" girl to change things. I am sorry poor Molly has to deal with kids being mean to her!
Loose you cool!!! for crying out loud loose your cool and regulate! I have yelled at kids that were not mine when the mother was MIA or there and just not paying attention or allowing it to happen. and believe you me my kids have never been bullied. (nor have my kids ever been bullies) It is not a tough or complicated situation, it is very simple, never never let your kid be abused, never. Who cares what other mothers think or say about you or even to you, care what Molly feels like as a human being. Sorry to ramble on, i just get very upset and passionate about this kind of stuff.
I'm not sure what you should do, but I know I would have lost it. There is nothing that sends me over the edge faster than someone being mean to one of my kids. In a case like that, where Molly could have been seriously hurt, I would have said something to the mom and tried to find out if there was some way to get her kicked out.
How frustrating!! (Your lack of anonimity cracked me up, though.) I think my reaction is probably not the best, but it's FLEE! This probably started because my oldest was a "fight back" kind of a kid, and I really tried to teach him to just walk away. Even though my younger two aren't "fight back"-ers, I have found that in any conflict with other kids, I prefer to just walk away. When it's a friend, and when they're older, I think you can expect your kids to talk it out and all that, but when it's a stranger, and when they're so little, talking (at least to me) is pointless, so I just scoop them up and take off. I'm too chicken to say something if the parent is around, but if the parent is not around, I sometimes will say something to the kid like, "When you're mean to someone, it's very hard to find friends," or "You may NOT hurt another person." But usually I just run away! ha :)
Mother's with kids like that...bugs me so much! I mean..come on...get off your bum, wipe off that smile of your face and get your kid. Sorry I have no patient for people like that. If I was there with Molly..that little girl would of gotten the LOOK from me.
I never know what to do in those situations until after I am home and have had time to think about it. I think I would have picked up my child and ran . . .but I would have been thinking not nice things:)
Oh, I HATE situations like this. It is so annoying that the mother isn't paying attention to what's going on.
One time, Peter was trying to play with a bunch of older boys and was totally oblivious to the fact that they had no interest in him. He was 3 (I think)and so I decided to see how it would play out without my interference because I want him to eventually learn how to be independent on the playground and I thought it would be a good chance to talk about what happened since I was there with him. It was heartbreaking to watch as they decided to pretend like they wanted to play with him and then pulled a bait-and-switch and told him they were going to put him in jail. He finally ran to me sobbing! So we talked about what his options might be and I think he decided to stay at the playground but to stay away from them.
But he still remembers that incident and it's there for us to always refer back to when we talk about the importance of being kind. I don't know if I made the right choice or not. I'm not saying I would never step in if the situation got to be harmful. And definitely for a baby I would step in, talk to the mother, or leave. Any way you look at it, it's annoying.
Oh sarah, I am so sorry for molly, However that is SO me, on the other end. However, I am NOT like that mom, I totally get right up and put kaid in a little Time out. Going to the park, is always quite the ordeal, sometimes.. Kaid sometimes has a " boundry" issue and loves to push, shove, what ever to little kids, to get to what he wants. I use to think that he was jsut being a bully, but with kaid, he was just really trying to get to the toy. It was so hard, when sometimes, kids that he would push over, I ran up, and apoligized over and over, and asked if there kids were ok, and for the most part, parents are ok.. but then I got this one Woman, that Yelled at me, and told me that my child should have better behavior. Hmm I thought, Ok, thank you for that. I just had to bit my tounge.
I can not believe that mom, just had a smile,laugh about her, Was molly crying? I more parents would Watch there kids more at the park.. you know..
Ps.. want to go to the park.. lol..
really. kaid is better.. lol
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